Melee School Boys: The Prom
by Hikaru Morinaga
Summary: Prom's coming up, Marth's having a midlife crisis, and Roy's caught in the middle. Will Marth have a date in time for prom? Will Link and Zelda ever go beyond first base? MarthxRoy, ZeLink. Sequel to Battle of the Bands. DISCONTINUED.
1. Chapter 1

**Melee School Boys: Prom**

**-One- **

Mewtwo walked into his classroom, as per usual. Spring Break was, unfortunately, over, and Mewtwo thought it just wasn't long enough. He set his briefcase on his desk and placed his coffee mug on the podium. Nicholas, through the powers of some deity, managed to get his sight back, however, he had to wear glasses to compensate for the handicap. But he was fine, overall. He carried a stick around, anyway, just to hit people with it, because let's face it, hitting people was fun. At least, it was for him. He sat down in his seat and took out his five subject notebook. That was all he ever took with him, anyway, and he got straight As in the class. Mewtwo did nothing but sit at his desk and plot for world domination on a portable fifteen by seventeen inch Expo board he bought from Wal Mart for five bucks, sipping coffee every now and then from his "I had hot sexxorz with Uther and grabbed his apricrotch while doing so" coffee mug that he got from his mother for Christmas (along with a sweater from Giovanni, which had the line "PHEER MAI DANSHING WEAPUNS" on it).

Link skipped into the classroom, happy as a lark. Unfortunately for Mewtwo, Link sat in front of his mahogony desk (with a matching wastebasket that cost five hundred dollars), and Mewtwo absolutely _hated_ the teen. LMIA was known to cause people to get angry at things for no reason, but Mewtwo didn't care. He outlined his "fool proof" plan on paper so he had a hard copy of it and placed it in an envelope labelled "Tax Returns". No one would think to look there. He took out his lesson planner, his attendance/grade book, and a pen and floated them over to the podium. The pokemon waited for the rest of his students to waltz right in and act like their stupid selves (which was most of the time, which was why Mewtwo had a stress ball in the top drawer of his desk). He picked up the national newspaper and opened it, propping his feet up on the desk and leaning back in his chair as he did so.  
"Heh heh," he said, "A car crash that killed a tree and knocked a telephone pole onto a stripper. Interesting."

"HELLO!"  
Mewtwo didn't have to look up from his copy of the "Nintendo Land Times" to know when the blue headed prince entered the classroom; the large crash resulting from him running into the wall was all anyone needed to hear.  
"Good morning, Lowell," the pokemon said telepathically, still not looking up from his newspaper. The article on Pokémon Rights was extremely interesting.  
"Owch," was all the tiara-wearing boy said, rubbing his head and brushing his hair from his eyes. The dent in the wall was now bigger; some plaster had fallen and laid in a pile on the floor. He got up and walked over to his seat, limping slightly, and sat down. Something wasn't right with the swordsman, but so far, no one noticed.

Link was asleep, his head on the desk. Mewtwo looked at him with the same look Draco Malfoy threw at Harry Potter every time they were both mentioned on the same page. Nicholas was playing something on his Gameboy Advance.  
"Dammit, Florina," he shouted at the black handheld. "You're not supposed to die! You were supposed to dodge that ballista! Ugh." He selected something from the menu and shook the handheld angrily.  
"Now I have to restart the damn chapter."  
"Perfectionist," Mewtwo muttered, and turned to the obituaries.  
"'Timmy McTimmerson died from falling down a well.' Hmm...who really cares?"

Mewtwo looked up from his paper, mouth agape when a boy with a pink Nintendo DS entered the room and sat in front of Nicholas.  
"You're in the wrong class, imbecile," he said, glaring, not recognising the student.  
"Uh, no I'm not," the boy said in a feminine sounding voice, playing a game by the name of Seima no Kouseki.  
Nicholas poked the boy in front of him, and as a result, got a DS stylus shoved through the lens in his glasses and into his retina.  
"You're in Stephanie's seat."  
The boy scoffed and yelled at some girl named "Eirika" before retorting, "No _shit_ I'm in my damn seat."

It was quiet. Too quiet. Mewtwo didn't like it.  
"I'm _Stephen_ now."  
"Yeah," Marth said, his arm supporting his head. "And my name is _Martha_."  
"That joke is _so_ old," the person who used to be Stephanie said, pressing the D-pad on the DS so hard it was making noises. Noises that would signify it was half broken.  
"So what?" Marth replied, writing something on a piece of paper that was conveniently lying around doing nothing.

There was a screeching sound from outside the classroom, but everyone ignored it. Link woke up and looked outside the door to see skid marks that looked (oddly enough) like shoe scoff marks. They were on fire, like a Vin Diesel movie or something. Perhaps Nascar. Maybe "The Fast and the Furious". The door slammed open, causing Mewtwo to throw down his newspaper and shoot dark energy balls at whoever was disturbing the peace--or rather, his peace--and laughing evilly as he did so.  
"It's official," Nicholas said. "Mr. Mewtwo's lost his mind."  
"You _just realised this_?" Stephen asked, switching his Seima for his Phoenix Wright. "He's been insane for quite some time now."  
Nicholas said nothing. There was nothing to be said, because what Stephen said was true. Everyone often wondered why Mr. Mewtwo wasn't in an asylum yet.

Then again, their principal was named Mr. Crazy L. Hand.

Enough about their crazy principal.

The figure at the door dodged the blast, which ended up breaking a window and hitting an innocent bystander: a short, fat guy in blue overalls and a red shirt and cap.  
"Mama-mia!" was all that was said before he was KO'd with one hundred and fifty percent damage. He stood no chance. Luckily, he had set the stock to six.  
"If you want to kill me," the boy said, "you could at least be a little more discreet about it."  
"Bite me," the pokemon replied as the figure took his seat behind Link.

"Marth?"  
"What, Roy?" The monarch was bored and resorted to arranging the books on the shelves by the date they were published.  
"Where's your tiara?"  
Silence. Nicholas stopped doodling pictures of two girls named Katie and Jordana making out to wonder why the room was so quiet. Stephen stopped playing and was brought back to his game when he heard "OBJECTION" being shouted through the speakers by some guy named Miles Edgeworth. Link continued doodling obscene pictures of him and his music teacher doing the mattress mambo. Roy was standing by his seat behind Link, having stood due to shock. Marth was on his knees, in front of the bookshelf, eyes wide. Mewtwo lit up a cigarette and acted as if this was normal ('Then again,' Mewtwo thought, inhaling over seven hundred deadly chemicals, 'this is Marth we're talking about. Him having an OCD attack was the norm.').  
He turned to the Business section of the "Nintendo Land Times" and looked for another job. Sadly, there was none. He cursed, silently. The job market sucked eggs.

There was a thud. Not a loud thud, but a thud nonetheless. Roy ran over to the prince and slapped him a few times. Link whipped out his cell phone.  
"Quick! What's the number for 9-1-1?"  
"...You're an idiot," Stephen said.  
Link dialed the number and got a busy signal.  
"What kind of business is this?!" he yelled, and threw his phone across the room.  
"Marth! Marth! MARTH!" Roy was now slapping Marth with a dead fish Nicholas just so happened to have had stashed in his bookbag. It was a rainbow trout and it smelled like a Yeast infection, but no one cared.  
"Holy father fucking Yoshis!" Link said.  
"What?" Roy said, shaking the swordsman.  
"I just realised I can call Zelda!" Roy slapped himself. Hard.

Link picked up his half-broken cell phone and called her.  
"Hello? I have a swordsman down, and I need help a-sap. I don't _care_ if you're in the middle of teaching a class! This is a life-or-death situation here! Marth could be dead!"  
Marth finally came to and rubbed his head.  
"What happened?"  
"Well, you left your tiara on your dresser this morning and I told you and then you fainted is what happened," Roy answered. Marth almost fainted again, but didn't because the late bell rang.

"Pardon the interruption, but prom bids are due by the end of the month. Anyone who does not hand in their bids can't go to prom!" the woman over the intercom said. No one cared, though.  
"Ugh," Stephen said. "I have to find a date."  
"I _have_ a date," Nicholas said, triumphant.  
"With who, your mom?"  
"...No, with that turtle guy."  
Link butted into the conversation.  
"Bowser isn't a _turtle_. He's a _mutated_ turtle."  
Roy shoved Link.  
"No, dumbass, Bowser's a mutated _Koopa_."  
"What's the difference?"  
Roy had no answer.  
"That's what I thought."

"I'm probably bringing my girlfriend," Roy said, tapping his pen against his desk. "She likes dressing up and making all the girls jealous of her and stuff."  
Link wrote something and held the paper up.  
"No, Link, Zelda won't go with you," Roy said, answering what Link wrote on the paper. Link sadfaced and wrote something else.  
"No, not even if you bribe her with money," Roy replied, and Link crumpled the paper up and threw it at Roy.  
"What the heck do you know?"  
"Battle tactics, how to dismember someone, how to get girls to like me without them noticing, how to make tea..."  
Link slapped him.  
"Hey!" Roy said, getting ready to throttle the boy in green.  
"I have no date, and I'm probably not even going," Marth said, calmly, effectively interrupting the fight that was more than likely to take place.  
"Do you realise how weird you look without your tiara?" Roy said, letting go of Link's arm, and looked at the tiara-less swordsman.  
"Yes, Roy, I do."  
Marth actually looked more like a girl without his tiara than he did with it. How ironic.

Gary Stu strolled in, happy to be out of that bottomless pit that the judges of the Battle of the Bands threw him in. He flashed a smile that blinded an old lady and killed a few kittens, and went to his seat, which was conveniently in front of Marth.  
"Apricrots," the Stu said, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on. Nicholas giggled and Stephen stabbed him with a hi-liter.  
"What?" Stephen asked. "That makes no sense!"  
"...What're you talking about?" Gary said, not understanding the question.  
No one said anything. Marth just stared at him.  
"It's obvious that the lights are on, but no one's home," Marth said, slumping over his desk.

"I want to touch your apricrotch," Gary said to the boy next to him (which happened to be Link). Link was weirded out and moved his desk as far out of Gary's reach as possible.  
"Everyone hates me!" Gary whined, and got out the Simple Emo CD and sang, off key, "HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?"  
"Oh dear Elimine," Roy said, covering his ears with his headband. "What did I do to deserve this?"  
"I WAS SO BADASS."  
Marth snerked. Mewtwo threw his desk lamp at Gary. He, however, kept on singing.

Mewtwo had had enough of the madness and set Gary Stu on fire as a way to shut him up  
"I will have order in my classroom!" the purple pokemon said.  
"You all have homework. Read the whole text book. You will be quizzed." The bell rang, and everyone ran like hell out of there. Mewtwo took out a razor blade and threw it at a dartboard. He ran out of darts a long time ago.  
"Why me, God, _why me_?"

- - -

Marth fell asleep in his third period class. Luckily for him, he sat in the back, and the teacher didn't give a crap anyway. The boy next to him kept taking pictures of him with the flash on, and when Marth had had enough, snapped and threw a dagger at the boy. The dagger missed and hit the far wall.  
"Mr. Lowell, please don't throw sharp objects. You could hurt someone with them," his teacher said as if she were talking to a three year old.  
Marth said nothing and fell asleep. God, life sucked. The boy behind him stuck a sign to his blazer that said "Will fuck for five dollars" on it in blue Sharpie. Marth didn't notice. In fact, when the bell rang, he still didn't notice, and wondered why all these boys were holding out five dollar bills and asking for "favours".

Marth walked to his fourth period class, which happened to be Chorus, and opened the door. At that moment, someone opened the other door and hit Marth right in the face. The person merely passed him as if nothing happened.  
"Today just isn't my day." The bluenette remembered that he shared his fourth period with Roy, which meant the boy would go on and on about his personal life, and sat in his usual spot: on the left side as far away from everyone else as humanly possible. Marth didn't really like social interaction, and was mostly quiet. Zelda was sitting in front of the piano and playing a depressing song; then again, everything she played sounded depressing. It was the way she played everything. Marth laid his head down on the desk and watched the door open and slam close, mesmerised. He barely noticed his red headed companion enter the classroom and sit next to him.

"...You...you _do_ realise there's a sign on your back, right?" the general asked, ripping it off the blazer. Marth sat up and noticed Roy wasn't wearing his light blue blazer.  
"You'll get in trouble for wearing your jacket 'round your waist," Marth said, ignoring Roy's question.  
"Marth, are you feeling well? You look like you haven't slept for ages." The boy in question rubbed his eyes with a hand and yawned. Zelda hit a sour note and Marth winced--his ears were quite sensitive when it came to music.  
"I've been having these weird dreams, lately," the prince replied, and yawned again. Roy crossed his legs and looked through a Music Theory book left by the previous class.  
"Define them to me."  
"De-define?" Marth asked, questioning the boy's word choice.  
"...What, did I not use the right word?"  
"...Well, it seemed kind of odd."  
Roy pondered for a moment.  
"Well, what word _would_ you use then?"  
"I don't know... your whole sentence sounds awkward."

Roy chuckled.  
"And you said 'define' weird, too."  
"Oh?"  
"Yes. You said 'de-fin'."  
Pause.

"Ah, I see," Roy said, scratching his forearm.  
"It sounded kind of...foreign."  
Roy laughed.  
"What?" Marth asked.  
"Well, I guess my accent snuck in there."  
"...But you don't_ have_ an accent."  
Roy sighed.  
"Do you realise how often we hang around?"  
"Well...yes, that is true," Marth answered sheepishly.  
"I guess I lapsed into my accent, that's all."  
Marth took it as being that and let the subject rest.

"Now...sentence structure? Are you going to give me an English lesson or something?"  
It was Marth's turn to laugh.  
"Perhaps," he said. "'Define them to me,' sounds kind of odd. If you said 'Tell me about them,' it would have been better and--"  
"Marth, you're rambling."  
Marth shut up.  
"I, uh, guess that's just the way I talk."  
"...Is that how Pheraean sentence structure is?"  
"...Well, Marth, we don't use "tell" in that kind of way. We use 'define', like, 'define it to me'..."  
Marth was lost.  
"Huh?"

Roy sighed.

"I'd have to teach you Pheraean in order for you to understand."  
"Then teach me," Marth replied, taking Roy's hand. Roy blushed.  
"Um...okay..." He cleared his throat.  
"Anyway, about these dreams... tell me about them."  
"Well...they... They involve you."  
"Me?"

Now Roy was interested.  
"How so?"  
Marth shifted in his seat and removed his hand from Roy's. He fiddled with his tie, something he did when he was thinking or nervous about something.  
"...Well..." Here his voice dropped to a whisper, and Roy had to lean over to hear, "they're...they're _erotic_ dreams."  
Roy drew back quickly, his back hitting the shelf next to him that was built into the floor.  
"You're having erotic dreams about me?!"

The piano stopped playing, the people with fourth period lunch stopped eating, and everyone ended up looking at the two swordsmen.  
"But Marth, you're...you're _involved_ with someone."  
Marth rolled his eyes.  
"Thanks for reminding me of Sheeda. But the thing is, she's_ all the way back in Altea_. Because of that...well, I don't see her very often, and you and I are together a lot. It's only natural that..."  
"But married people aren't supposed to have those kind of dreams about...well...I'm not Sheeda! Why are you having dreams about me?! That's cheating!"  
"Who told you that was cheating?" Marth's tie was now half undone.  
"...My father told me."

Marth stood up.  
"That's because your father was in love with only one woman!" Roy sat all the way back in his seat and winced.  
"Roy...I think I'm in love with you!"  
Silence.  
"Will you people mind your own damn business?" Everyone went back to what they were doing, and Zelda played the piano louder, ignoring the Fire Emblem boys. Roy fiddled with the sign he took off of Marth's back. He was clearly uncomfortable.  
"Well, this is awkward," Roy said, tossing the paper back and forth in his hands.

"Roy...I'm so confused!" Marth sat down and laid his head down on the desk in his crossed arms.  
The red head crumpled the sign up and tossed it into the garbage. It went in, and everyone cheered. Roy ignored them.

He moved to the edge of his seat towards Marth, hands folded between his legs.  
"...Are you saying you're questioning your marriage?"  
"No. No, I'm not. I mean, I love Sheeda but..." Marth gave Roy a dazed look.  
"...But what?"  
"I think I'm having a midlife crisis."  
"But Marth, you're only eighteen."  
"Okay then, a pre-midlife crisis. What's the difference?"

Roy sighed, and Marth fell onto the floor.  
"M-Marth?" Roy asked, getting out of his chair and to Marth's side.

"Roy..."

He stared at Roy long and hard before he pushed Roy onto the floor, got on top of him, and kissed him fiercely.

"HELLO FIRE EMBLEM BOYS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"  
Marth jumped up off of Roy and three feet into the air, crashing into Link on the way down.

"Ow," the blond said, holding his fries in the air to avoid them being crushed by the prince.  
"Well hello to you, too, Marth," Link said, munching on a french fry. He got his lunch switched to fourth period instead. Roy propped himself up using his arms and snorted.

"WHAT DID YOU SEE?" Marth shouted, grabbing Link by the collar.

"Err, nothing except you on the floor. Why?"

"Nothing! No reason!" Marth let go of Link's shirt and composed himself; he sat down and acted as if nothing had happened. Link helped Roy up and they both took their seats, Link shoving three fries into his mouth as he did so.  
"We're having a crisis here, Link. Go flirt with Zelda or something," the general said, rubbing Marth's back with a hand.  
"Good idea!" Link said, and went over to Zelda, almost tripping on the carpet and dumping his lunch right on her in the process.

"Ask Sheeda to the prom."  
"But I can't!"  
"Why?"  
"Because I am having a pre-midlife crisis and I am a confused and complex individual!"  
"...Well who _do_ you want to take to prom?"  
"It'd be too awkward!" Now Marth was being stubborn.  
Roy said something that Marth didn't understand.

"Pardon me?"

"'Just tell me' I said!"  
"If you say so."

Marth took a deep breath.  
"I want you to go with me."  
Before Roy could answer, the bell rang, signalling lunch was over and the journey to the next class was to begin.  
"I'll think about it," Zelda said before Link shot out the door. Marth and Roy merely shook their heads and knew Zelda probably said "yes". Marth was confused as all hell about his love life and Roy had a headache from tripping over the carpet and knocking his head smack into the door.

"We need new carpeting in this room," Zelda remarked, and continued playing something from Les Misérables.

**Author's Notes: **Notice anything different? Well, I revised this chapter and added a lot of stuff to it, so no, you're not seeing things.

Feedback is welcome and appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

**Melee School Boys: The Prom**

**-Two-**

Roy and Link were on the front steps of the school, books sitting beside them.  
"Did we have Algebra homework?" the blond asked, the green textbook on his lap. He flipped through the pages so fast he ripped one right in half.  
"Yeah, but you're in a different class than I am, so I have no idea."  
"...But we have the same teacher."  
"Well then, okay, we had homework," the red head said, trying to finish his unfinished homework from the previous night.  
At that, Link rummaged through the red head's bookbag in search for his maths notebook. Roy erased his answer to question four in his Japanese notebook and flipped through the pages for the answer.  
"Hey, Link," the general began. "What does 'miruku no niou aka-chan ni hohozuri shoto' mean?"  
Link stopped copying the answers and leaned over to see what Roy was talking about.  
"The baby smells like cow's milk...something-something. How should I know? I'm failing his class. Go ask Marth."  
"'Go ask Marth' what?"

The two swordsmen turned around to see the aforementioned youth towering over them, bookbag over his shoulder.  
"What this means," the red head replied, and shoved the notebook in the prince's face. He took it and put his glasses on; it really didn't make Roy's sorry excuse for Japanese any more legible--or understandable, for that matter. After studying it for a minute, he handed it back to the youth, stating "The baby smells of cow's milk as we rub cheeks," in a curt manner befitting a prince. Marth's glasses slid a couple of centimetres down his nose, which no one noticed except Link, who had an eye for small details like that. Link turned around and copied the rest of Roy's maths answers. The red head wrote down what Marth said and closed his notebook.

Roy squeaked out something, and Link gave him an odd look.  
"Come again?"  
"Sorry," Roy said and flashed a sheepish grin. "When I'm excited or happy, I tend to say something in Pheraean." Roy muttered something in Sacaean, to which Marth's eyes widened.  
"Do you kiss your _mother_ with that mouth?" Marth could understand what Roy said because Altean and Sacaean sounded the same, and that meant that they were the same language, just with a different name slapped on it.  
"No," Roy said, stuffing everything into his bookbag and zipping it up. "But I _do_ kiss my dad with it."

A car passed by, blaring loud and very bad rap music that made Marth cringe in agony, and all the whorish looking girls from the school down the street wash it in skimpy clothing like in those music videos. The bell rang, and Roy shouldered his bag. Link's books fell out of his hands when Roy's bag knocked into his arms and down the stairs, and Marth took Roy by the hand and led him into the building.

- - -

Mewtwo was sitting in his executive-style chair, leaning back slightly, coffee mug in hand. It said "Evil is SEXY like Hell" on it in big black lettering. Nicholas and Stephen were in an argument over what colour DS was better. Stephen shouted "OBJECTION!" and threw a pen at him. It was clear that Stephen was up all night playing Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. Very clear. Anyway, Nicholas dodged and it instead hit the wall and got stuck there. Nicholas gained enough experience to get to level five. Roy walked into the classroom casually and sat down in his seat. Marth came in behind him and slipped on a puddle of coffee, falling to the ground, and sliding into the radiator pole. Stephen and Nicholas stopped arguing about whether Peach was fourteen or twenty-something; Roy winced and turned his head the other way.  
"Right between the legs," Mewtwo remarked in a bored tone, and looked into the cup of dark liquid, contemplating whether to laugh or sneer at the fallen prince. Link came in at that moment, huffing and puffing, and travelled to his seat in front of Roy.  
"What happened to Marth?" the blond asked.  
"He got nailed by a radiator pole," Roy answered, twirling a pen in his hand.  
"Ouch," was all Link said as he hurriedly tried to find his homework.

After a few minutes of Marth clutching his pride and joy, he crawled over to his desk and sat down.  
"Okay, let's see who didn't do their homework by collecting it from the students who _did_." Nicholas threw his at Stephen, who took it and passed it over to Marth.  
"Wait," Marth said, taking the papers. "We had homework? On _what_?"  
Mewtwo shook his head and collected the papers from Link's row.  
"The translations of the poem, Lowell."  
Marth took out his poem and read through it, recognising one of the lines.  
"_Roy_ didn't tell me there was homework."

The red head threw up his arms in protest.  
"You fink! You didn't _ask_!" Link threw his homework at Mewtwo's desk in the form of a paper airplane. It landed in the pokemon's coffee, and the psychic left it there, pretending it didn't exist.  
"See me after school, Prince Marth." Stephen snickered.  
"And you can join him, Mr. Alvarez."  
Stephen pouted; everyone else was silent.  
"OBJECTION!" Stephen shouted and knocked his chair back as he stood.  
"...SIT DOWN, THIS IS MY CLASSROOM, YOU WILL OBEY."  
Stephen was then promptly knocked out by a flying squirrel. That poor squirrel didn't stand a chance.  
"Now then. Turn to page 207."

- - -

Everywhere they looked, prom-related posters were hung up on the walls. Reminders went home to all the seniors about prom bids, amongst other things like cap and gown forms, and yearbook deposit reminders. Marth's second period was Physical Education, and so he parted ways from Roy, whose second period was Algebra, and Link, whose second period was medical assistance.

Phys. Ed. was Marth's most hated subject, and was very unhappy that it was a mandatory four year course. He went to the locker room and changed in the bathroom stall; Marth didn't like to have a whole bunch of men looking at his half-clothed body with perverted grins, remarks, and sneers. He went up the stairs that led directly to the Gym and sat on the bench. It creaked when he sat down on it, which made him nervous that it would break if he dared to move an inch. Two boys found a basketball and decided that it would be a good and intelligent idea to play Dodge Ball with it. That declaration upset most of the class, and they were promptly knocked out by the ball, the two boys laughing like Beavis and Butthead the whole time. Marth sighed and wondered when they would grow _up.  
Perhaps by the time they graduate college_, the prince thought bitterly._  
_He sighed again; this would be a long class period.

- - -

"Today," Ms. Toadstool said, "we will be learning Parallel Lines." She said it in a very happy-go-lucky tone, which scared most of Roy's classmates. She wrote several examples on the dry-erase board in pink Expo marker, which most of the students had a rather difficult time reading, as it was a bright, fluorescent, hot pink one.  
"Basically, in order to have a Parallel Line, the slopes of the two equations have to be the same." She explained what a Parallel Line looked like, drawing complex diagrams, a stick figure of Mario and Luigi kicking Bowser's arse, some Calculus on the side, and then another Parallel Line. After doing those complex figures and some number crunching, she figured out what numbers to give them for homework.  
"Page 340, numbers two through twenty _even_. So, Mr. Kanessa, you shouldn't be doing number _one_, as it is an _odd_ number." Roy was really the only one who started on his homework and almost finished it, but that was because _he_ didn't want a lot of work to do, especially since he had Tournament practise to go to right after school, and he couldn't be bothered to do his homework at home, anyway. In the middle of the sixteenth question, the bell rang, signalling that class was over. Everyone jumped out of their seats and ran out the door to their next class as if Satan was right on their heels.

- - -

Marth opened the Chorus room door to the sound of another depressing melody. Ms. Harkinian was obviously in as her office door was open and she was the only one who could play that bad.  
"You know, usually I'm here _after_ you," a voice shouted from Marth's usual side of the room.  
"Why are you sweating?" the prince asked, walking over to his usual seat and sitting down. He opened a book and began to read.  
"I have PE third." The boy unwrapped his turkey with pickles, mayonnaise, and tomato sandwich and took a bite. Marth watched his red headed companion eat from the corner of his eye, paying little attention to the required reading in front of him, which was boring and no one in his class was reading it anyway. Zelda stopped playing, closed the cover over the keys, and went in her office to check her email. It was nothing but "natural male enhancement" and Nigerian Scam spam, which she deleted and reported their emails to her spam service. Man, was Yahoo! lousy with their spam filters. Roy and Marth were by themselves in the main part of the room (no one else came up from lunch yet), and Marth was very antsy by this time for whatever reason, probably due to the fact that he was alone with Roy and the fact that he was trying to not commit Seppuku with the spine of the hardcover he was reading because the music scores on the top of the piano were just thrown on top by the lazy third period class. Or he was trying not to, anyway.

"You've got mayo on your mouth," the bluenette said when he looked up from his book, and leaned closer, grabbing Roy's hand when he reached for a napkin.  
"Well, okay then, I'll wipe it off. With a napkin."  
"Nuh uh," Marth said, and waved his finger in Roy's face.  
"Um...okay..."  
"I've got something better." Marth licked the mayo off and ended up kissing the general, and Roy didn't try to push Marth away (but then again, Roy's hands were full at the time, as he was juggling homework and food at the same time). The door opened and Marth broke the kiss and continued with what he was previously doing as if nothing happened.  
"But Marth," Roy said, putting his food down so he could readjust his textbook. "YOU'RE INVOLVED WITH SHEEDA. Do I need to remind you?"  
"But you didn't try to push me away," the prince pointed out, and Roy flushed.  
"That's because my hands were full."  
Marth smirked.  
"Admit it, you liked it. You're even blushing..."  
Roy's face was the colour of his hair.  
"What did Roy like?"

Marth threw his hardcover at whoever asked the question, and knocked the youth down.  
"Well, hello to you too, Marth."  
It was only Link, but Marth wanted to keep Link oblivious to his feelings for Roy. Otherwise Link would blab to the whole entire school, Sheeda would find out, and then he'd be a dead, dead prince. Link, in actuality, had no idea what was going on between Marth and Roy, but figured it was nothing; after all, Roy and Marth were like, bestest best friends. Roy went back to eating his sandwich and doing the English homework he conveniently "forgot" to do (that is, he didn't feel like doing it). Link sat down in front of Roy and munched happily on his curly fries.

"Where is everyone?" Link asked, placing his plate down on the desk. Roy shrugged and continued on with his creative writing assignment about some guy named Achilles.  
"Who the hell is Achilles and why does anyone care?"  
Link shrugged.  
"I think he's some Greek dude or something. Ask Marth."  
"Go look it up," the bluenette replied, adjusting his reading glasses, picked up his thrown book, and pretended he was actually _reading_ it.  
"No! How dare they kill Mercutio! He was the best character in the story!" Marth shouted and threw his book down. Roy picked it up and handed it to him, and Marth took it grudgingly, muttered something under his breath, and attempted to read past Mercutio's death, all the while adding commentary under his breath. Marth hated not talking, even though he wasn't a big fan of talking to people outside Roy and Link and Sheeda. He mostly talked to himself, anyway. Usually in his head, because otherwise people would probably think he was off his rocker.

"At my old school, we learned about interesting Etrurian poets and evil dudes that were hell-bent on bringing the Dragons back to kill us all. No one cares about this stupid hero because he's not _interesting_ and he ends up _dying_ anyway!"  
Link stopped listening half way and questioned, "Wait, we had English homework?"  
Roy gave him a look that said, "Duh, what do you think I'm doing?" which prompted the blond to run out of the room to his locker for his English stuff. Roy stole a handful of Link's curly fries and put them on the paper wrapping his sandwich came in. Marth was too immersed in "Romeo and Juliet" to notice or care. Or, rather, he_ looked _immersed in Romeo and Juliet. He still couldn't get over the fact that Tybalt killed Mercutio.  
"That bastard got what he deserved," Marth muttered when Tybalt died. He laughed lightly, causing people passing by to question the Altean's sanity.

_"_Do you _ever_ eat lunch?" It was the one thing that broke Marth's concentration and caused him to stare at the book blankly.  
"This isn't my lunch period. I don't take this class during lunch because I lost credit, unlike other people--" here he coughed and made a noise which kind of sounded like "Link"-- "because I don't _need_ to." It was a simple response that answered everything.  
"Then when _is_ your lunch period?" Well, except for that, of course.  
"Sixth. Like our old one."

Link returned with his books and was frantically trying to open his notebook while walking and coming through the crowd of people that were also trying to get into the classroom.  
"It was a creative writing assignment. At least a page. Due in about two class periods. Have fun." Link nearly died and spent the last twenty minutes of Chorus writing a bunch of garbled bullshit about how much of a bitch Achilles was, that he was in love with Hector of Troy, and then Hector found out that Achilles was a player and was dating Helen of Sparta and Paris of Troy, and then Hector ran into a minefield and Achilles laughed and danced on poor Hector's grave. And he was jealous because Hector got all the chicks. It was a page and five words, which made him very happy. So happy he threw up his arms and shouted "BONZAI!" Marth sighed as he proofread it for the Hero of Time, wondering whether Achilles and Hector were rolling in their graves. Marth gave it back and resumed his faux-reading.

"What's up with Marth?" The prince was immersed in the world of romance-suicide-I-love-you-but-our-families-suck-because-they-hate-each-other-and-we-therefore-can't-be-together, which would sum up the whole plot of "Romeo and Juliet". It made Marth die a little inside with every passing page. He knew by the end of the book he would have no soul left. Link devoured the rest of his curly fries (one was even sticking out of his mouth) while Roy ate the rest of his sandwich and folded the wrapping-with-curly-fries-inside up, placing it in his bookbag for later. Marth fell asleep, book in hand. The bell rang, and Marth was completely oblivious. So oblivious he wondered where the hell Roy and Link went, who the hell the people that were poking him were, and then he realised that he was ten minutes late to his next class.

- - -

"Good afternoon, Melee Academy. There will be a few short announcements before the end of the day. Guidance... They request that all scheduling appointments for next year be scheduled in the morning or after school. If you miss your appointment, you're shit out of luck. Lost and Found..."  
That was false advertising, the announcements were anything _but_ short. They would go on and on and on forever about things no one gave a shit about, and everyone was forced to sit still, continue their work, and be quiet as all hell or risk being thrown out the window by the teacher. It was considered a cardinal sin to even so much as _yawn_ or look at someone funny while the announcements were on. At least today was a single session day, ending the day with sixth period.  
"Mr. Mekkai! Yawn again and I will give you a White Card!" Link stifled it by covering his mouth and continued onward with his MicroType programme. Roy snickered and got yelled at by Mr. Lombardi for being disruptive.

"Attention all juniors and seniors: prom bids are due no later than next week. If you do not hand in your twenty dollar bid, you cannot go to prom! Please see Mr. L. Mario in room 201 before or after school to hand them in. The P.R.O.J.E.C.T. Graduation volleyball tournament is held April 27th in the gym at six o'clock. Come and see the seniors take on the faculty and show them your support! That's it for your announcements and have a nice day." The intercom clicked off and everyone went on with their lives.  
"If you're not done with lesson T, you need to stay after and get it done. The marking period closes tomorrow, so if you need to make up work," Mr Lombardi said, "either stay after today or come in the morning during AM help period tomorrow."

The bell rang, signalling school was out for the weekend. It was like a stampede running out the door. Link stayed behind to finish the last exercise in MicroType, so Roy left without him and walked to the locker he shared with his blue headed companion. He was the first one there, so he opened the lock and shoved all his books on his designated shelf (it even had his name on it, because Marth once freaked out when Roy's History book was on the wrong shelf). He thanked Elimine for no homework over the weekend and would have closed the locker had he not been looking down the hallway. Marth was walking down the corridor really fast.

The prince arrived at the locker out of breath and leaned against the other lockers. He had to run away from his Fanboy Club and lose them in the cafeteria somewhere.  
"I...I had to...to chase _them_ off and...I needed to make sure you...you didn't--" here he paused to catch his breath so he wouldn't hyperventilate. Roy shushed the prince before he got another word out and took Marth's books from him. Placing them, neatly, on the bottom shelf, he looked through Marth's assignment pad (which was as neat as you would expect an Obsessive Compulsive prince to have it) and got his maths and English books out. Handing them to the tiara-wearing youth, he shut the locker, locked it, and slung his almost-empty bag over his shoulder.

"Er, thank you." Marth shoved the books into his bag and put an arm around the red head's shoulders.  
"Let's go home." They were almost out the door when Link shouted for them to wait up. The Fire Emblem boys kept walking, and picked up their pace. Link ended up getting hit by the door.

- - -

**Author's Notes:** This chapter took three days to write and thirteen pages of notebook paper to complete it. This story, as you may have noticed, is a bit different from its prequel in that it's focused more on the schooling, but whatever. The sequel to this story will probably be like Battle of the Bands (it's about the Talent Show). The final part to this series will probably be the most serious of the saga.

So, if you'd like to, review! I love to hear what I could improve on, or just to know that people like where the story is going so far.


	3. Chapter 3

**Melee School Boys: Prom**

**-Three-**

Roy was very tired, so tired in fact that he skipped breakfast (which made Marth have a heart attack because he thought Roy had an eating disorder and Roy to be all grumpy because he didn't eat) and forgot his Algebra textbook. So he sat in his first period class having a panic attack--or something. It was more of an "oh god I feel so sick I think I'm gonna barf" feeling, though.  
"I think I'm gonna throw up," Roy said, clutching his stomach. Link grabbed the rubbish container and placed it by Roy's desk. The container smelled like spoiled, two-day-old lunch, and Roy practically puked right then and there.  
"Link, I don't think that's going to help," Marth said and moved the garbage can back to its spot by Mewtwo's desk.  
"If you don't feel better by second period, go to the nurse. You probably need to lay down for twenty or so minutes."

Roy suddenly stood up and ran to the open window, practically throwing up. Once he got to the window, he opened it, thinking he needed fresh air, and all of the sudden projectile vomited. It went out the window, and Roy hoped no one was passing under it at that moment. Link made a face and said, "I hope that didn't land on anyone." A boy named Broccoli (his parents were hippies) was walking under the aforementioned window when Roy barfed, and it landed right on his head. Broccoli then spontaneous combusted like a broken down car engine as Kweenetra passed him, mouth covered. Link swore it was something out of _The Exorcist_ and fainted for a minute. He woke up and acted like nothing had happened, got up, and walked over to his desk. Roy fell backward and Marth caught him just as the bell rang.

Everyone else was in their seat doing last minute homework assignments.  
"Roy, are you all right?" Marth asked, feeling the red head's forehead.  
"You have a fever," the prince remarked, and felt the boy's cheek, which was flushed slightly. Roy tried to stand up but he lost balance and ended up in Marth's arms once again.  
"Mewtwo-sensei?" Marth asked as Mewtwo walked into the room.  
"_What_?" Mewtwo replied in an impatient and "I don't give a father fucking yoshi about your problems right now" tone.  
"Roy needs to go to the nurse," the bluenette said, gesturing to the general with his head.  
"_Why_?" the pokemon asked unsympathetically.  
"Because he has a fever and he can't stand up without losing balance or feeling woozy," the swordsman answered.  
"...Do you want to take him there, Lowell-kun, or do you want to just take a seat, shut your mouth, and pay attention, hmm?" Mewtwo looked at the Pheraean with a "you look like absolute shit" look.  
Roy took that moment to throw up again, this time on Mewtwo's brand new pair of shoes.

Mewtwo ignored it, however, because he hated the shoes anyway. His mother had terrible taste.

"Is he going to die any time soon?" the cat-like being asked, arms crossed.  
"Er," Marth said, looking at the duke that was currently sitting in the his seat, "n-no, I don't think so..."  
"Then he's fine. Now _tate kudasai_, Lowell-kun."  
Marth reluctantly sat Roy down in an empty desk next to his (it used to be Gary Stu's, but Gary got transferred to a snobby co-ed school for Stus and Sues) in order to keep an eye on the general.  
"Don't fret over me, I'll be fine," Roy said, his voice muffled due to the fact that his head was lying on the desk.  
"But Roy--"  
"Marth." The red head's head shot up from the desk in order to glare at the bluenette. "Stop worrying. You're acting like my father."  
"...If you insist..."

Nicholas raised his hand and waved it around a bit.  
"What, Nicomus?"  
"Nicholas."  
"I _said_ your name is Nicomus, and _every_thing I say _goes_. Now what is your question?" Mewtwo was usually never like this, and from the corner of his eye, Link noticed the pokemon's eye was twitching. Perhaps his LMIA disease was acting up again. It was hot out, and the room lacked air conditioning.  
"Where's your coffee?" the boy behind Stephen asked, sinking low in his seat. The purple pokemon pulled out a case with what appeared to be coffee mug sized slots. Using his psychic powers, Mewtwo took the pile of coffee mugs, dumped the contents into a potted plant (which died a few seconds after), and placed them in the case to bring them home and, hopefully, wash them. There was mould growing on the first two.  
"If you _really_ must know," Mewtwo said in a "I could care less about you" voice, "I ran out of coffee mugs, and thus cannot bring coffee, can I, mortal?"

"It's called a thermos, idiot," Stephen said, playing his fifth game of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney that week.  
"DETENTION TOMORROW MORNING," Mewtwo said, trying to imitate DEATH from _Good Omens_. It wasn't working, suffice to say.  
"OBJECTION!" the sandy haired youth replied like Miles Edgeworth, standing up and throwing a stylus with deadly accuracy at the cat-like pokemon. Mewtwo dodged and watch it lodge itself into the chalkboard. Mewtwo glared.  
"First off, this isn't Law and Order _or_ Phoenix Wright. Second of all, I am the _teacher_, therefore you do as I say. And third of all, you have detention all this week. Now _sit down before I make you_." Mewtwo turned around and wrote something on the board.  
"_Kyoukasho akete kudasai_," Mewtwo said, telling them to open their textbooks. They did so without a complaint, because Mewtwo was _not_ in the mood today.

Mewtwo pulled out the stylus and threw it in the Phoenix Wright addict's general direction. Stephen ducked and the stylus landed in Nicholas' skull instead.

"Why me?" was the last thing Nicholas uttered before he died.

"Now...do activity one and shut up."

- - -

Roy still felt like crap by second period, but he ignored it and trudged through Dividing Rational Expressions without complaint. He stopped at the Boys' Lavatory to toss his cookies and immediately felt better. Sometimes you just have to throw up a few times.

For gym, he and his fellow classmates had to run four hundred yards (i.e., the whole track), Roy finished ahead of the faster runners (Roy was the fastest in his class, second in the school only to Marth), said to Link that he was "the supreme runner of track and field," and jumped onto the railing of the bleachers.

Not smart, Roy. Not smart at all. Roy lost his balance and fell on the ground. Link, who was right next to him, albeit in the bleachers, heard a crack and winced. Roy's eyes shot open and he immediately grabbed his leg in pain, rolling onto his side.

"I think I broke it. Oh _shit_ I friggin' _broke_ it!" He sat up, still clutching his leg, and rocked back and forth, biting his lip. He would _not_ cry. Not in front of these people, anyway. The pain was unbearable.

Ms. Peach Toadstool decided to take her third period Algebra Two 42 class outside and onto the field, the reason being that it was a lovely day outside. She was teaching them all about adding and subtracting rational expressions with unlike denominators when she heard a boy yelling and screaming.

"Children," she said when she realised no one was paying attention. "Children!" Unfortunately for her, she wasn't going to get their attention spans back.

Link was helping Roy up and telling him to lean against his shoulder. Link wrapped an arm under Roy's right arm to help him balance.

"I don't think this is going to work very well," the red head said, standing on his good leg.

"Marth knows how to make a stint," Link said, almost falling over due to Roy's sudden movement.

"Marth isn't _here_," Roy replied angrily.

"Yes he is," Link pointed out, redirecting Roy's gaze to the blue headed prince running towards them.

"Roy!" Marth arrived there panting and out of breath, gazed upon Roy's right leg, and gave him a look that said "how the hell did _this_ happen?"

"It hurts!" Roy complained when Marth tried to move the red head's leg.

"Feels broken," Marth pointed out, ignoring Roy's complaining. "We should take you to the nurse's office."

Link fell over from the weight and Roy almost went down with him; he caught himself in time and "hmph"ed.

"You suck at supporting people, Link," Roy replied in a snarky matter. "I can walk there myself." And so he walked up the stairs to the bleachers, up the bleachers, and to the door leading into the building. Marth wasn't far behind the red head, and grabbed the boy's arm.

"What is with you?" Marth asked, brow furrowed. Marth accidentally tugged on the boy's arm and caused the general to lose balance. He fell backwards and Marth quickly moved to catch him.

"If _you_ were in this amount of pain," the Pheraean said, looking straight into Marth's eyes, "_you'd_ be pretty damn moody, too."

Marth picked Roy up, taking great care to not move Roy's out-of-commission leg unless it was needed, and opened the door, walking into the building.

"Doing stupid things causes consequences such as breaking things," Marth said out of the blue.

"So...what did you do?" the bluenette asked, walking up the stairs and into the corridor to the nurse's office. The hall monitor did not question either of them as they went past, and Marth went up a few more steps before coming to the office of "Doctor Mario P. Mario, school doctor".

"Well," Roy began, "I was so excited about winning the relay race that I stood on the railing of the bleachers—like I always do—and I lost my balance and fell on my leg." Marth shook his head and opened the door.

There were no students in the office like there usually was, causing the sole occupant to be Dr. Mario, who was at his desk on the phone with someone.

"What?" Dr. Mario asked the person on the phone, "I don't really _care_ what kind of pasta it is, Luigi. Just get me what—okay, I'll have what Mario's having." The doctor got off the phone and went back to filling out paperwork, not noticing he had company. Marth cleared his throat, causing the doctor in a white lab coat to look up.

"Can I help you?"

"Um, yes," the prince stated. "My friend here seems to have broken his leg."

"...Doing what?"

"What does that matter?" Roy chimed in, snuggling close to Marth. "My leg is broken. Fix it." Roy had broken his leg only once before, when he was eight years old. He was chasing after his pet cat, Oscar, when he slipped on the runner that covered the stairs and fell. Marcus was not pleased with the blood all over the stairs, something Roy's father seemed to be less concerned with. His father was not happy with the broken leg, and scolded him, saying that his neck would be next. It was safe to say that Roy would not go _near_ a flight of stairs for two weeks after the accident.

Marth placed Roy in a chair while the doctor looked over the injured boy.

"All you need is a cast and you should be fine," Dr. Mario said, and went into the back room to get some supplies.

"This should be a relatively quick process," Dr. Mario stated when he came back with some plaster, gauze, and a hair dryer. The doctor placed these things on the chair next to the red head, put on some gloves, and asked Roy to roll up his pant leg. Roy did so and winced.

- - -

"There we go!" Link said cheerfully as he replaced the cap to his green Sharpie and put it in his pocket.

"...Did you _have_ to put the heart?"

"Yes. Why, don't you like it?"

Roy rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, sure, okay." Roy and Link were in period seven, sophomore honours English class. Link was so bored that he counted all the signatures Roy had on his cast (thirty seven) and decided that he should make it an even number and signed it. Of course, Nicholas (who came back from the dead by some guy named Brammimond) had to make it thirty nine by signing it, so Link added a heart. A green heart, but a heart nonetheless.

"We're almost home free!" Link shouted randomly, standing up from his desk. Roy rolled his eyes and headdesked.

"Just kill me now." A random guy with a bloodied knife came up to Roy and pressed the blade to the red head's throat.

"Figure of speech! Figure of speech!"

"_Dude_," Link said, "Lord Eliwood would _kill_ you if you killed Roy."

The random guy booed and jumped out the window to kill some innocent chickens somewhere. Roy took his ballpoint pen and tried to commit Seppuku, but his pen point just wasn't sharp enough.

"Hey, you stole that from Marth!"

"He, in turn, stole it from the Samurai," Roy replied, throwing the pen at the blond. Link ducked and it hit Nicholas (again), who by this time was brain damaged. He fainted. But no one cared.

"Hey, Roy," Link said, trying to balance his English text book on his head, "do we ever _do_ anything in this class?"

Roy was too busy looking through Fuuin no Tsurugi game scripts to hear Link's question.

"What?" Roy flipped through the script some more. "There's no subtext between me and Princess Guinevere. These people are pulling shit out of their asses! _Sucrenach_," Roy said, cursing in Pheraean.

"Um...okay. Anyway, do we actually do anything in this class?" Link asked again, inching away from the red head ever so slowly.

"Hell no!" Roy replied, slapping Link with his script. "We're too _smart_ to have to do any work."

Some kid was listening to iPed, drumming on his desk, to "The Saints aren't Coming," the hit new song by Me2 and Purple Haze (which was also a brand of marijuana). The teacher, Mr. Georgeston, threw a boot at the kid.

"That kid has crap taste in music," the teacher reasoned, calming down.

"Yeah," another kid replied, "He needs to listen to Conjure One's 'Center of the Sun'." He got a boot thrown in his face.

"Hey!" Link shouted, standing, "There's nothing wrong with 'Center of the Sun'! My cousin, Sara Jaye, likes it!"

Roy pulled the blond back into his seat.

"You have a _cousin_?"

"_Yes_. You have a problem with that?" Roy shook his head.

"Good."

"I HAVE IT ON MY iPOD!" Link triumphantly pulled his green iPod out of his jacket pocket, put one of the earbuds in his ear, and listened to "Center of the Sun". Roy, out of morbid curiosity, listened to it.

"...Wait, isn't this one of the songs the fangirls listen to because it reminds them of 'EliwoodxNinian'?"

Link looked at him blankly, having no idea what Roy was going on about.

"...You need to go on forums more. The EliwoodxLyn and EliwoodxNinian shippers are at each other's throats all the time."

"Like Gundam Wing Fandom?"

"Yes, Link, like Gundam Wing Fandom."

"Heero sounds like Marth."

"...Wait, what the hell's 'EliwoodxLyn'? I thought your mother's name was _Ninian_."

Roy headwalled.

"That's my _point_."

"What?"

"That my mother's name was Ninian. _Was_ because my mother died."

"Mine did, too," Link commented, wiping a lone tear out of his eye. That tear was caused by him listening to "Wake Me Up When December Ends", another hit song from Purple Haze about the drummer's mother dying from a horde of hammerhead sharks.

"And the fangirls like to argue about it."

"What the hell is wrong with your fandom?" Link asked, switching to a happier song. Couldn't ever go wrong with Queen.

"I wish I knew. My dad stopped wondering a long time ago."

"It's not your dad's fault he's sexy."

Silence.

"_What_?! Did you just call my father 'sexy'?! WHAT THE HELL, LINK?"

"I meant in _Rekka_, Roy. His face looks like a really soft cake with vanilla icing now."

"...Oh Elimine, you're not listening to 'My Rant (Hector's a Fag)' by Erikky of Laus, are you?"

"I am. Why?"

"It's garbage."

"That's your opinion."

"Link, trust me on this one. I know the guy. He was best friends with my dad, when they were younger. And then shit went down and Erik started hating my dad. Something involving squirrels in his underwear drawer or something."  
"Damn those squirrels!" Link shouted, and threw an acorn shaped bomb into a random tree outside the window. Squirrels flew into the air when it detonated. Luckily, none were hurt, because Link made one out of chewing gum and a fork.

A rabid Eliwood fangirl ran into the classroom, men in white suits with butterfly nets and tranquilisers not too far behind.

"ELI!" the girl shouted, hugging Roy very tightly.

"I'm not Eliwood," Roy said, gasping for air and turning blue slightly.

"YES YOU ARE, YOU LOOK LIKE HIM."

Link smacked the girl off of him and received a death glare of some sort.

"Bitch! Get away from my Eli!"

"I'M NOT ELIWOOD," Roy shouted, standing from his seat. "The only reason I _look _like him is because he's my friggin' _father_."

The girl blinked.

"ELIWOOD HAS A SON? OMG WE HAD A SON?"

By this time, the men in the white coats were dragging her out of the room.

"_No_, Eliwood and Ninian had a son." The girl shrieked like a banshee, got free of her restraints, and came back into the room.

"WHERE IS THAT DRAGON BITCH?"

"...She's been dead for ten years now."

"SERVES HER RIGHT."

Roy had had enough, summoned the Fuuin no Tsurugi, and stabbed her with it.

"_No one_ insults my mother and gets away with it."

Of course, she didn't die, she was just knocked out. The men in the white suits took her out of the classroom, into their truck, and left without another word.

"Roy?"

"Yeah?"

"I'd hate to be you or your dad."

"I know you would."

"...Does Marth get people like that?"

"...Yes. All the time." And with that, life resumed.

- - -

"Did you get mauled by a fangirl or something?" Manolo asked his Biology lab partner when he walked in the door. Link dropped Roy's book bag by his stool and walked over to his own table, where his partner was no where in sight.

"Don't tell me he cut again."

Roy walked over to Manolo on crutches, sat down, and placed them next to his desk.

"I got hugged by one and told I was Eliwood, but other than that, no, I wasn't mauled by one."

"Isn't he that guy from some Fire Emblem thing or whatever?" The guy next to him, Jaime, snickered.

"Shut up, Jaime," Manolo said, and nearly fell off his chair for reasons unknown.

"..." was all Roy said. He took out his Biology book, turned to the page designated to them on the chalkboard, and did the work on the page. Manolo got into a bitchfight with Jaime and ended up needing to go to the hospital with some abdominal pain. It turned out to be some bad gas, so he was a-okay!

- - -

"Someone please kill me," Marth said, headdesking as his US History II teacher handed back test papers. Marth got a ninety nine and a half.

"You're so sexy," Nestéa Reglay said in a seductive voice. She licked her lips and adjusted her shirt so her breasts were popping out of the shirt more, and fixed her skirt so one could easily see her panties.

"Who the hell are you?" Marth asked, folding his test paper up and putting it in his folder.

"My name's Nestéa Raven Jaclyn Krystalline Silverwood Reglay, but you can call me either Nestéa, Nestea, or Nessie for short."

Marth heard some guy named Pent shout from very far away, "I was drunk when that happened, I swear! Drunk!" Marth ignored it and continued on with his life.

"Like, do you have a girlfriend?" She was invading his personal space, something Marth did not like nor appreciate.

"Yes," Marth said, trying to inch away, but using her Sue powers, Nestea made sure he couldn't get away.

"I have a boyfriend. His name is Roy, do you know him?"

Marth headdesked. Hard.

"Ow."

"Well? Do you?"

"Yes," Marth replied, rubbing his forehead. "But his girlfriend's name is Lilina." Nestea got all offensive at that.

"You're saying his girlfriend is that h0r? How dare you! DIE."

Marth scooted over, causing her to lunge at thin air and fall out the window with a thud. Unfortunately, the window was only a good two feet off the ground.

"They were getting pretty intimate at the Battle of the Bands thing."

Nestea jumped through the window and ran off to find her beloved "boyfriend".

- - -

"Help, I'm being raped!" Roy said as Nestea was running her hand up and down Roy's bare chest. His shirt had been unbuttoned only a few seconds ago, and all that was left was his pants...

"Don't get any ideas!" Roy shouted and Nestea tried to reach for his belt. Running to his locker (as fast as one can on crutches), he quickly put the combination in, unshackled the lock, and wielded the Sword of Seals.

"I will cut you in half if you come any closer to me."

Nestea laughed like Alfred Ashford from Code: Veronica and summoned...

"...I don't think you should be able to wield Armands, there." But Nestea was a Sue, so of course she could wield the legendary Divine Weapon (one of eight, collect 'em all!) of Lightning.

"You _do_ know about the consequences of using that, right?" Roy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, it, like, let's me kill things and stuff."

Roy sighed.

"Aside from that, whoever wields that will die on the battlefield, never having a peaceful death." Nestea went "pfft" and waved her hand as if to dismiss such an idea.

"Who told you that?"

"...Armands, one of the Eight Heroes. He actually told Lord Hector, who ended up dying on the battlefield because of the prophecy."

"Oh yeah," Nestea said, thinking Roy was smoking illegal substances, "And Roland had blue hair."

"Actually," Roy said, "He _did_ have blue hair."

"...He wasn't a red head?" Roy shook his head.

"What the hell?" She cleared her throat. "In any case, we must get marriage and have tons and tons of babies, 'cause babies are cool and shit." She giggled and flaunted her chest in his face.

"You're so sexy, Celi."

Roy heard a disc scratching sound.

"Wait a minute," Roy said, stepping away from her. "'Celi'? As in Celice?"

"Like, duh, Celi."

"...I'm not Celice."

"Yes you are!"

"No, I'm not."

Nestea spun in circles and threw up all over the floor. Link shrieked like Nobuyuki Hiyama and shouted, "Holy shit, The Exorcist is real! RUN AWAY!"

When Marth approached his locker and saw puke all over the floor, he didn't know what to think. So he surfed over to his opened locker on some kid's book bag, pulled out Falchion, and stabbed Nestea with it several times. He then sighed like Hikaru Midorikawa and pretended nothing happened.

"My hero!" Roy said and kissed Marth on the mouth—hard. Link turned around and nearly puked at the sight of Roy and Marth playing tonsil hockey.

"Hello! You people have significant others! STOP SUCKING FACE."

But they just ignored him.

- - -

**Author's Notes:** So...what'd you think? I always like to hear from my reviewers, so please, if you want to, review! Tell me what you think!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing except Nestéa Raven Jaclyn Krystalline Silverwood Reglay and Kweenetra. See you next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

- Four -

Roy rolled his shirt sleeves up, slumping against the door jamb as he waited for the rest of his classmates to show up. It was sweltering hot in the room, his jacket long abandoned on his chair. The open windows and oscillating fan did nothing but blow the hot air around. Mewtwo, for a change, had Doughnuts Dunking's iced coffee lattes (three of them) on his desk, one of which was floating, signifying he was in the process of consuming it. The other two were full to the brim, condesation formed on the plastic cups. Roy sipped at his water, contemplating dumping the contents over his head. He wondered whether or not his kind of weather was humane or not, but his train of thought was broken when a very disheveled blue headed prince walked through the door. The prince's shirt was untucked, he was missing his jacket, his tie was loosened, the two top buttons were unbuttoned, and the boy's tiara was in his hand. Roy assumed it fell off in the heat and the moisture and the sweat (although Marth didn't look sweaty at all, but for all Roy knew, Altea could have inhumane weather such as this and he was used to it).

Roy limped over to the prince and sat down in his seat next to him, becoming concerned when Marth's head was on the desk and there appeared to be no signs of life. Roy poked Marth with a hi-liter, which caused the blue headed swordsman to stir.  
"It's too hot to do anything, Roy," the swordsman said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.  
"Too hot to have your tiara on?"  
"It's _not a tiara_."  
"Then what _is_ it?"  
Marth glared.  
"Who _cares_? It's too damned hot to argue about it." Roy gathered that Marth's usually calm and passive demeanor went out the window when it was this hot. The bluenette, in short, became short tempered in the hot weather, which was scary because Marth was acting like his girlfriend's father. Roy shuddered at the similarities and decided to arm himself with something, like a dictionary.

"I see you've been graduated to a walking cast," the prince said, trying to make conversation without blowing up.  
"Yeah," Roy replied, drinking water out of his red water bottle. It even had a white "R" on it.  
Mewtwo turned the page of the newspaper he was reading. It was the Obituaries section.  
"Poor seven year old girl. Shame she drowned. Oh well, people can always make another one." Marth gave his teacher a disgusted look, but lucky for him, Mewtwo didn't see it.  
"...Aren't _red heads _supposed to be the ones with bad tempers?" Marth asked, placing his tiara on his head and adjusting it _just so_.  
Roy gave him a glare.  
"You actually believe those stereotypes?"  
Marth thought about it.  
"...It's a stereotype?"  
"..." was all Roy could say. Or not say. Whatever.

One by one, the rest of their classmates entered the class and nearly died of heat stroke. Mewtwo didn't notice the heat at all, or the fact that half of his students were dogpiled by the door.  
"I can't work in these conditions!" Marth shouted and nearly passed out from the action. The bell rang and Mewtwo noticed the class was too quiet.  
"Where's half the class?" the purple cat-like being asked, placing his newspaper down on the desk and gathering his things for class. Roy pointed to the dogpile in the doorway.  
"Passed out, I see," the telepathic creature remarked, pointing at them. His eyes glowed yellow and within seconds the students were gone.

Marth, Roy, Stephen, and Nicholas were the only ones left in the classroom (aside from Mewtwo).  
"Where's Link?" Nicholas asked, talking to his girlfriend via DS.  
"At home, sick," Mewtwo replied, writing world domination plans on the expo marker board in Japanese. Nicholas stared.  
"...How do you figure that?"  
"Mewtwo lives with us," Marth answered without turning around, arms crossed. He looked bored. His tiara had fallen on the desk, and looked like it wasn't moving any time soon.  
"...That must suck," was all Nicholas said. He wrote that on his DS accidently (because he couldn't do two things at once) and sent it, which caused his girlfriend to write in all CAPS and sign off. He cried and threw his DS across the room.

"...Can I please shoot myself?" Stephen asked and raised his hand.  
"No," Mewtwo replied, still writing world domination plans. He laughed evilly until his cell phone rang.  
"What?" Mewtwo asked, answering the "Double Trouble" ringtone'd phone. He sounded pissed off and bored.  
"Is that how you talk to your gay wife, Mewy?" He winced and rolled his eyes.  
"Pikachu, honey, I'm in the middle of teaching class."  
"He's teaching us shit!" Stephen shouted, hoping whoever was on the other line heard him. Mewtwo's (gay) wife heard nothing.  
"Well stop teaching and come home."  
"...Why?"  
"BECAUSE I'M TELLING YOU TO, ASSWIPE." The line clicked and Mewtwo closed the phone and threw it out the window.  
"Never, ever get married," Mewtwo said, and resumed work.

Roy eyed the schedule Mewtwo wrote on the board.  
"Periods 1, 7, 8, and 3. Dismissal at 12:50."  
"Half day WOOT!" Kweenetra shouted as she walked down the hallway. Everyone ignored her.

- - -

"...That will never change, no matter what may come."  
Half of the people in Roy's English class were bored out of their minds and/or asleep. Roy, unfortunately, sat in the front and therefore couldn't sleep and have a nice nap while watching some boring movie.  
"Oh Lord E..."  
"OH DEAR GOD DO I REALLY HAVE TO SEE THIS?" Roy shouted, jumping out of his seat. It was bad enough they had to through the first seven books of the series. They didn't want to see the movie of the seventh book, which was pretty much nothing but standard wangsty emo stuff where some dude kills his girlfriend and then mourns over her loss or some shit like that.  
"Yes Roy," Mr. Georgeston said, not looking up from the tests he was grading.  
"Like, oh em gee, that Lord Elwood--"  
"Eliwood," the guy next to him corrected.  
"Like, whatever. He's sexy, I want his number, and possibly buttsecks."  
Roy nearly died.

"Hello, that's my dad you're talking about."  
"ESS TEE EFF YOO, NOOB," the guy replied, getting into Roy's face (and thoughts of getting into the red head's pants were also running through his head, too).  
Roy pounced on the dude and beat him with a bottle of White Out, a water bottle, a potted plant, and a stapler. The guy was knocked out cold.  
"Anyone else wanna say my dad's hot?"  
Silence.  
"Good."  
"...That Ninian chick is so bangin', yo. I wanna get me some ass."  
Roy threw the Fuuin no Tsurugi at the guy.  
"Anyone else wanna say my mother's 'banging' or hot?"  
Silence.  
"Good."

"I FINALLY FOUND YOU."  
"Ohshitohshitohshit," was all Roy could say before Nestéa pounced on him, knocking him out of his chair and into Mr. Georgeston's lap.  
"Y helo thar Roy," the English teacher said and grinned lecherously.  
'Oh great,' Roy thought, 'I have two people trying to get into my pants now. Great.'

- - -

"...I don't want to be here," Roy said, sitting on the bleachers.  
"That's nice," his teacher, Ms. Aran, said, getting her attendance book out.  
"Whoever didn't change..." The unchanged sophomores were standing in their designated lines, while the ones who changed were sitting down in their respective lines.  
Samus pointed her laser gun/sword at them.  
"Either change tomorrow or I will shoot you and make you a smudge on the track field." The unchanged individuals screamed like little girls and ran as far away from the blonde as humanly possible. All except for Roy.  
"Isn't that assault?" the red head questioned, holding a rather thick notebook under his arm.  
"Maybe," the bounty hunter answered, placing the gun back in the holster, "If it makes them change, I don't really care."  
Roy walked over to the bleachers and opened the aforementioned notebook to a blank page.

"Hey."  
Roy looked up to see Marth standing over him.  
"What're you doing here?"  
Marth walked down the stairs and into the bleacher Roy was sitting on, this time he was standing next to him.  
"Ms. Toad--Peach let us do whatever," the prince replied, making one of those fortune teller things out of his hallpass. He sat down next to the fifteen year old, leaning slightly against him.  
"What are you writing about, General Roy?"  
Roy nudged the eighteen year old away.  
"Nothing, Prince Marth."  
"That looks like a whole lot of 'nothing', Roy."

The Duke of Pherae gave him a glare.  
"If you must know, it's a...journal thing."  
Marth grabbed the journal out of Roy's lap (to which Roy was not very thrilled) and skimmed a page.  
"...You write poetry?" Roy's face turned the colour of his hair.  
"Yes. Do you have a problem, Prince of Altea?"  
"No, not at all, Duke of Pherae," Marth answered and gave the book back.  
"I think it's cute." Roy blushed harder and closed the notebook.  
"You made me lose my train of thought."

"Do you have anyone to go to the prom with?" Marth asked, breaking the silence that settled around them like glass.  
"I was thinking of taking Lilina..."  
"Well, according to the rules, we can't bring people from other schools."  
Pause.  
"Then why the hell is there a prom to begin with?" the general asked, scribbling something on the cover of his notebook as he did so.  
Marth shrugged.  
"So, let me repeat my question. Do you have anyone to go to the prom with?"  
Roy shrugged.  
"Now I don't."  
"Good, 'cause I'm taking you to Prom whether you like it or not." The school bell rang to symbolise Marth's decision was final.

"One problem."  
"What?"  
"I can't dance."

- - -

Author's Notes: So I wonder what will happen at the Prom. Will Marth confess to Roy he loves him? Who knows?

Oh, and yes, Mewtwo is married to a (male) Pikachu, coincidentally, the same Pikachu in Melee. Try to figure that one out.

So anyway, feedback is appreciated and welcome.


End file.
